Alligator the onion cutter

This piece of kitchen gadgetry should have come complete with ear defenders and a box of paracetamol. The noise it makes when you use it, even though it is totally manual, is unbelievable. How it passed any health and safety tests is quite beyond me.
I purchased this piece of equipment because I was fed up with onions making me cry!! It is truly horrible when that happens.
This is called an alligator because its jaws go snap!! quite violently I might add. When I use this I have to shut the window, kitchen and back door, because of the noise.
To use this you need a certain level of tolerance, a good sense of humour and be able to cope with the unexpected, for reasons I will explain.
To dice a carrot, cut the carrot into very thin slices and place them in the alligator one by one, otherwise the carrot gets stuck in the metal dicing plate. A certain amount of strength is required in order to carry out this task because you have to press down hard on its jaws. I have actually hurt my elbow doing this.
To dice celery, cut the celery into small pieces and then cut again, place one by one into the alligator to dice otherwise this will also get stuck in the dicing plate.
To dice an onion, again cut into fairly small pieces, otherwise this will also get stuck.
Are you now getting the picture?
The diced vegetables are supposed to go into a container on top of the alligator, this again isn't without its problems. Firstly, it is difficult to get the container to sit correctly on top of the dicing plate, secondly, whilst you are using brute force to dice the vegetables this makes the vegetable catcher come off. Therefore, the contents go in all directions!!
I'm sure there must be an easier way to dice vegetables......now, where's that knife?!!!